Kelvis Korner Blog
Adventures of a gay Internet Programmer in Southern California. I have enough wacky friends and hilarious stories to keep you interested, or at least mildly amused!
April 1st, 2004
Without a doubt, if anyone knows me, they know how much I love love love Key West. There is no place like it that I’ve been too. This trip was no exception. I had soo much fun I’m still recovering. The first two days my friend Doug stayed with me. We spent most of the time checking out the facilities that Island House had to offer, especially that crazy sex room, I mean the Exotic Video Room, and yes I was corrected by a guest when I called it the sex room.
Later on during the week Mario came to share my room, and the drama drama Ms. RafLO showed up with Tommy. They were supposed to be in LA but things change and the parties continue! We had a great great time except for some minor drama with RafLO, but it was all washed out during the Aqua Drag Show. I’d like to give my thanks to Ms. Guggi Gomez for making me laugh so hard I almost pissed myself at the bar. Guggi did Erotica by Madonna and it involved a lot of audience participation.
Unfortinately for Rafael he was a victim. Guggi pushed Rafael down and laid him flat on the bar stool. You really had to be there to see it. Rafael was fighting it with all his might and almost spilt all our drinks, that would not have been so funny. When Rafael came back from the floor, he was sweating with drag queen anxiety. It was hilarious. The rest of the night whenever Ms. Guggi Gomez would come out, Rafael would get behind Tommy because, “he wanted to be near his honey”. Yeah right, that bitch was scared shitless of Guggi. Good times!
Now for the good news. Mario and I scored with Key West boyfriends. Mario’s I must say is a native of Key West, which can be shady. But he was very very cute. They were hitting it nasty style in the bedroom so I was locked out for a couple of hours. Michael was locked out of his room because my Key West boyfriend was cheating on me, so we hung out together. When I got back in the room, I got high from all the poppers that were left open. It was crazy fun. Or as RafLO would say, “Wicked Fun”.
Now about the Boston Boys. These guys were great! They really made my vacation. They were all very cute, young, and lots of fun to be around. They were all bartenders I think from the Boston area. Derek, Michael, and Brett are all bartenders at Buzz. The site goes up and down so hopefully you’ll catch it when it’s up. Although all the boys were hotties, my heart was set on Derek. He was adorable! Blonde, beefy, and with a bostonian accent. And on top of that very flirty. We never did hook up, he loves those skinny twig bitches, but we were boyfriends nonetheless
Michael by far had the friendlies and most outgoing personality, although Derek does too when he’s drunk, but that’s another story left for the exotic video room, spicy! When Michael and I were both locked out we chilled for a while and got to know each other. It’s funny because when I first met them I was under the impression that they were all younger than me. But the funny thing is that I’m younger than they are. Anyways they made me feel like I was in college again and we’ll definately be hanging out with them again! Mario and I are already planning our New England trip.
They were driving us around all over duval and Island House drunk on their scooters. We chilled at their little apartment outside of the Island House. I thought they were very funny. Especially Scottie. I think he’s done too much pot in his life because he has that hippie perma smile that never comes off, and he ends everything in “love”. As an example his favorite place was the “Exotic Video Room…..of Love”.
I definately recommend anyone to check out the Island House if they ever go to Key West. During that one week, I had a three some with two cute french boys from Paris, I met the adorable boys from Boston, had great conversation with the couple from Rhode Island, they were adorable by the way, and met many people whom of which I might recognize by face, but by other ummm body parts! Fun Fun Fun!
While I was at Key West the tickets for the Madonna tour were on sale. I woke up so fucking late on Saturday because of the partying that the shows were sold out. I was so damn pissed! Luckily she added two other shows and I was part of the American Airlines Arena mailing list, so I was able to get really really good seats. Mario and I should be able to smell her sweat with the seats that we got. They are better than the seats that Luis and I had for Britney!
I’m not even going to mention the whole moving to LA thing because now it’s getting ridicuilous. It turns out that while I was at vacation my boss was leaving the company, which meant that I would be moving to LA like in two days. He since decided to stay, which I am glad because I liked working with him, and so now they still need more meetings to get me over there. When I came back from Key West I fell in love again with South Florida, vowing never to leave. But whatever, I’ll just let the wind guide me to my destination.
I am thinking though of getting a time-share in Key West. I love to go there and go about six times a year it will probably be worth it. However it’s strange to get a time-share without buying a house first. So I might buy a house and then in a year get a time-share. That would be great. Financially everything is coming together for me now, so I’ll soon have enough to jump on that house that I always wanted. Of course if I move to LA those plans will definately change because a house in Fort Lauderdale buys you half of a trailer in Los Angeles.
I just started up school so my blogging will be cut down severely. I’ll try my best to write in often, but not that much happens when you are studying all day
March 23rd, 2004
Well folks I landed on the island. And not a moment too soon either. I was falling asleep on the airplane. The flight was like 45 minutes. I am so addicted to flying to Key West now. No more driving for four hours. It’s sooo not worth it. The room I’m in is a little tight, but very cute. I’m very happy with it. Right now I’m drinking my mango daiqari while writing this entry. The pool is full of hotties. I already have my eye on the hottest boy with like an 8.5 inch dick. And it’s not even hard. I’ll bring my webcam out a little later to take some stealth photography!
Today I plan on relaxing exploring the resort :), and just vegging out. I don’t plan on leaving at all. Tomorrow I’ll have a friend over until Wednesday so I’ll save the exploring till then. This is a very short entry since nothing has happened yet. Once things get going I’ll be updating the site! Watch out Key West, here I come.
Let me just end by saying that I didn’t have sex for like two weeks to keep up my energy. So you know I’m commited to having fun!!!
March 16th, 2004
This weekend was out of control! I think I had a total of five hours sleep between Friday night and Sunday night. I had made plans for Rafael’s birthday which was on Sunday to go on a gay day cruise. It sounded like tons of fun. Gambiling, gay men, drinking, what could be better? Of course the day before I called to make the reservations the trip was canceled due to technical difficulties. Rafael pissed someone off during his past life because no one luck like that, no one!
So instead of the cruise we decided to do a day trip to Key West. Rafael thought it would be nice to show Tommy the island, have some drinks, a nice lunch, and then head over to the Island House for the rest of the day. Keep in mind that mention that Rafael wanted to go to the Island House. It becomes important later on. But I get ahead of myself, before I talk about Sunday I have to talk about PrideFest.
Pridefest was so much fun! Rafael came over to my place and we headed over there. They were having it really close to my apartment complex in a big park next to US1. I thought it was going to be a small festival with a few booths. When we pulled up to the parking, I was pleasantly surprised! It wasn’t as big as Pride March in the summer, but there were a lot of people. There was an inside area with a stage and booths and then the surrounding outside area had booths, and party 93.1 setup a dance floor outside. Right next to them Hamburger Mary’s set up a bar. So Rafael and I headed over there and started drinking our Piña Colada’s. There were so many booths and so many free things to grab, in the technology industry we call all that free stuff swag. I had rainbow pencils, blowing bubble solution, free lube, condoms, pride stickers, you name it.
Out of all the booths I fell in love with the pet one. They had an adorable beagle and a bull dog. I swear had I not been on a budget, I would have bought the bulldog on spot, called her Matilda, and taken her to her new home with Lola, Rocco, Mario and I. I guess it wasn’t my time. Although Mario says he has a friend who has a beagle puppy he needs to give away. That scares me because I’m a big sucker for beagle puppies! The last one I had to give away because it was during my mental break down at the beach. I think I’m ready for a new puppy.
But I digress….So we went through all the booths and we checked out the boys. Lots and lots of hot guys everywhere. While we were there we checked out Pepper LaShay perform Dive in the Pool. For those of you that don’t know it’s basically the theme song for Queer as Folk. Barry Davis wrote the track and Pepper did the vocals. She was amazing. She has a new cover song “Signed, Sealed, and Delivered” which Chi Chi LaRue did the video for. Check it out! We also checked out the Miss Florida Drag Queen Pagaent.
We checked out the booths again spotting the cuties and then called it a day. We were there for about four hours and had tons of fun. Rafael wanted to buy a man skirt (utility kilt) but they were expensive as shit so he decided not to. Instead he bought some necklace (Rafael always has to buy accessories, it’s an obssesion) and we left.
Now we come to Sunday. I woke up at the crack of dawn to drop off Lola at the parents and pick up Rafael and Tommy. I was at their place by 9:00am and we were in Key West by 11:30am. Tommy had a great time and it did remind him of New Orleans a lot. We were having a great time until we sat down at lunch. Since after lunch we were going to go to Island House, Rafael started to get freaky. His deal, for those of who you don’t know is to keep the cuban male chovanist spirit alive and well in the gay community. Rafael is all about going to all the clubs with me on the weekend, going to all the bathhouses, but at the point that Tommy tags along he doesn’t want Tommy to do anything, to talk to anyone, or to look at anyone. It’s very annoying.
Tommy and I gave him the usual speech about getting over himself and letting Tommy breathe, but of course it was useless. Happy Birthday Rafael! We arrived at the Island House and that’s when the drama began. At the Island House I called Rafael the sexual Pirahna. Like the Pirahna Rafael swarmed around his prey, Tommy, and completly devoured him. We were at the pool and Rafael was all over Tommy tack style. Party people it was tacky sad. We got some drinks and wouldn’t you know it, Tommy knew one of the staff. Here is where I have to pause and talk about Rafael’s super hero identity.
You see Rafael’s disguise is that of a cuban, possessive, gay male. Just like the Hulk uses anger as a catalyst to transform, Rafael uses blind jealously to transfor into: Mr. Negativity. Mr. Negativity’s special power is the ability to turn a pleasant going out experience into the worse time that you’ve had in your entire life. He is able to turn a very happy and patient person, into a lunatic who is ready to jump off the second floor balcony. That lunatic ladies and gentlemen is me. I had to pull Rafael into the pool because he was giving Tommy’s friend from Elementary school dirty looks the whole time. It was hardcore!
So while Raf and I were at the pool, and Mr. Negativity was telling me what a victim he was for bringing Tommy to the Island House, I was busy plotting the assasination of Mr. Negativity. You see Mr. Negativity’s kryptonite is highly potent psychotropic drugs. Unfortuntaley for me I did not have any Xanex to feed him. So the day, like the weather was miserable, overcast, with drizzling rain that washed away the sunshine.
I did manage to play with one guy in the steam room who was very hot! He was visiting from Chicago. Those boys up there sure know how to have a good time. As usual I had to leave the steam room half way through our fun because I was really really close to passing out in that heat. That and Tommy was severly drunk at this time and he was coming in every five seconds to the steamroom to find me. Little did he know I was on my knees facing the wall :). After countless arguements which I won’t bore you with, we decided to leave the Island House and have some dinner. The wait at Blue Heaven in the Bahama Village was too long so we settled on a nice mexican place on Duval. The food was excellent. After I bought some souvenirs for my parents we grabbed some coffee and headed home. I have no idea how I made it home to Fort Lauderdale with so little sleep, but I was damn glad to see my bed again!!!
Completly off the subject as usual, I have a new favorite artist. I bought Nelly Furtado’s new album a couple of days ago and it’s awesome. I’ve always liked her style as an artist and her music isn’t the usual Britney Spears stuff, which don’t get me wrong I love, but sometimes you need coffee with your sugar. My favorite song on her album is Fresh Off the Boat. I love Furtado because her message is one about embracing different cultures and being proud of what makes us different. She was born and raised in Canada but her heritage is Portugese. Check out her new cd if you have a chance. Especially if you liked the new single, Powerless. Her website is pretty hot too.
Speaking of immigrant art. Mario and I rented Mambo Italiana the other day. It was soo cute. I thought it was going to be another bad gay movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. This is no Amelie by any stretch of the imagination but it’s a very funny story about growing up gay in North America with parents from a different culture. I even cried a couple of times, which is rare for me to do, since most movies have been so lifeless and fake lately. Definately check this one out.
March 9th, 2004
I have a new consulting gig. When I created peepingcock.com with Luis I always knew one day I’d go back to the porn industry. I really enjoyed working on all aspects of the business. It looks like my prayers have been answered because the consulting work I am doing is for a company called Aaron Kline Studios. Aaron, who’s a very cool guy, owns this studio that does non-adult and adult photography and movies. His studio is near my house so it’s perfect!
He’s working on a website right now called Universal Studs.com. The site has escorts, erotic massage, and prints available from some very hot guys. In the future he plans to beef up the site and add video, webcam, and other technologies. That’s where I come in. I will be helping code the site, get everything organized and running smoothly.
I already spent last friday over there. I had so much fun. We set up a wireless network for them, and I did some minor html work. Mostly I got to know the guys. With this consulting job I’m sure to meet lots of people in the porn industry. Which is always a fun thing! And since I am an incredible hornball this will be a perfect situation for me.
Speaking of work, my company finally had a meeting about my move to California and it was approved. They will be sending me the schedule of events shortly so that I can prepare for the move. They agreed to all my terms which is sweet! They are increasing my salary, they are paying all my relocation expenses, and they will allow me to work out of Miami every two months for two weeks so that I can visit with my family and friends.
So it does look like I’m moving to California after all. I really thought that I was going to end up staying here. The thrill of moving is keeping me going. I can’t wait to explore the west coast. I am dying to go to Palm Srings, San Diego, and Mexico. Just the fact that San Francisco is only five hours away is amazing. While there is so much to look forward to, I do wish some of my friends would come with me. I know Rob might eventually move out there. And if Mario had a stable job there I bet he would try it out. We’ll see how it rolls out. It would really suck to live on my own again. I might try to find a roommate online! heheh That’s a scary one. But you never know. I’m always willing to try.
I totally absorbed now by the Stargate SG1 Series. Netflix has made me into a mini-series whore. It all started with 24: the Series. Now it’s Stargate! I love this series. It’s a bit cheezy at times but I think it’s a premise a whole lot cooler than Star Trek. What’s cooler than parasitic aliens taking over human hosts and acting as Egyptian Gods? Hello. It rocks.
There are a whole bunch of things I want to check out before I leave for the West Coast. Fort Lauderdale is becoming the next South Beach. Sunday Tea Parties are springing up everywhere and I want to check out the one at Voodoo Lounge next weekend, and damnit I live like two blocks away from the damn thing! I also want to check out the gay day cruise. Nothing like being out at sea, with gay men, drink, gambling, and small rooms. Fun! Fun! Fun! Mario can’t make it because he’s working this weekend, but I’m going to try to convince RafLo to go with me. He’s always up for that shit.
March 4th, 2004
Well I did my taxes this year, and I was very excited that I was going to get a return for $3610.00. Fuck that, I was more than excited, I had already divied up where I was going to use this money. A friend of mine had told me that the IRS wasn’t going to take the money from me. The reason I thought they were going to was because I have a balance that I’ve been paying off for the 2002 tax year.
I thought my friend knew what he was talking about, but I called the IRS today and they told me that they take the complete refund, and I still have about $1000.00 bucks after that to pay them. This so upset my whole day. Not to mention now I have to find creative ways to pay my rent before my next paycheck. I should have seen it coming. I was going to use the money to pay off all my credit card debt and then use the remainder at Key West.
So as it stands I’ll still be in debt, I’m still going to Key West, but it will be more of a frugal trip than I had imagined. No longer will I fantasize about throwing cash out of the balcony overlooking Duval Street. Now it will be more like passing up on the dolphin experience. Very cool experience, but way too overpriced for a bunch of swimming mammals.
Of course of all weeks to ween myself off anti-axiety medication I chose this week. No longer am I taking lexapro. So please watch out, if you know me in real like and I act fucking nuts, then it’s probably due to withdrawl. The minute I stopped taking the medication my work started to get hectic. I seriously think something in the water is making all my coworkers nuts. They used to be calm and west-coast like, now they are acting like a crack-whore who’s looking for her next fix. Every single little project is AN EMERGENCY, and they needed it YESTERDAY. So over them!
My boss still wonders why I want to move out to LA to work with these freaks. But it beats working from home. The only drama there is watching what Lola and Rocco can tear up and count how many times I can masturbate and still be productive in a day. By all time best is six. After that I get really sleepy and it all goes downhill from there.
I’m off to the gym to work off some of the nervous energy that I have. I’m still waiting for all that pent up libido which lexapro was hiding from me to hit me hard, literally. If I align it right it will hit me the hardest when I’m at Key West! That way I’ll have some very interesting tales to spin.
March 2nd, 2004
Last night I checked out the new movie Latter Days. The movie was about a young mormon who moves to Los Angeles to complete his mission and in the process falls in love with the WeHo slut across the apartment complex. I thought this movie had so much potential. The story was perfect, the acting was actually very good for a gay movie, but I think the script needed some cleaning up.
The movie seemed to move to fast, the characters fell in love too fast. I think the 24 hour relationship syndrome is spreading! There were parts of the movie that I felt I wanted to cry but I didn’t because the depth of the characters weren’t there for me. Having said all that, I’d watch the movie again and again because of my new boyfriend: Steven Sandvoss.
Steven wherever you are in Los Angeles, I love you. He was adorable. He has the sweetest face that I have seen in a very long time. The mormon role was perfect for him. He played a very awkward character who is just coming out. It was adorable. Of course the scenes where he is naked are fucking hot!!! I’ve decided to make it my mission that when I move out to Los Angeles I’m going to stalk Steven until he becomes my boyfriend! A boy has to have goals right?
Speaking of Los Angeles. Yes I’ve been quite quiet about it for a while. My company is getting closer and closer to finally offering me what I want to move out there. This is strange since I spent the past weekend looking for houses with David the Realtor. Even though all my friends want me to stay here, and my family would be heart-broken, I think if I do get offered the relocation offer I am going to take it. It has always been my dream to move to California, and my philosphy in life is to have no regrets.
I don’t want to wake up one day when I’m older and wonder what it would have been like to live in California. After all if I don’t like it I can get a plane ticket back and start all over again! Whatever happens it will be soon. My lease runs out in 5 months and I’ll either be getting a house or moving across the country. If I do move to California I’ll be living in West Hollywood. I seem to have a knack for moving into areas with catchy names. There’s South Beach (SoBe) and West Hollywood (WeHo). WeHo just sounds perfect!
February 29th, 2004
This is the third time that I try to publish this blog. The past two times my information was deleted. So this will be the fast and dirty version. In honor of Sex and the City ending, I am dedicating this entry to Carrie’s writing style. The ending of the series was very disappointing to me. It seemed very rushed and everyone ended up with someone. I thought the whole point of the series was single ladies doing it on their own? I believe in happy endings just not everyone being happy. For such a believable series, the ending was very hard to swallow. Hopefully they’ll revisit the girls again in the future. Here now is my Sex and the City blog…
My roommate may not have invented the 24 hour relationship, but he has definately perfected it. It all started back when we all lived on the beach. South Beach is a very strange island to live in. The first hint of experimentation towards a 24 relationship was when Lucca was dating the Doctor man. They were dating for a couple of months (and when I say months I mean it in the loosest form possible) when they decided to start looking for apartments. Everything was going great, they were in love, they were looking for a place, and the Doctor man had introduced Lucca to the mom. Lucca had an all access pass to his life until the Doctor man stopped. He stopped calling, he stopped hanging out, he stopped being in love. While most readers may think this behavior is strange, I assure you that this is very common for Miami Beach. In fact we have a term for it: sobechera. When you place gay men in such a small island with other hot men, something has got to give. That something is meaningful relationships. Boys who were in love one minute find themselves tricking for sex at Flamingo Park. Others neglect calling to end a relationship but they can still be seen at the same bars that you met them, and they never loose a beat.
The seeds of the 24 hour relationship germinated in Miami Beach and blossomed in Fort Lauderdale. Mr 24 who we’ll call Fink orginated as a hookup. A hookup and a 24 hour relationship differ ever so slightly. There is definately more chemistry in the latter. Mr Fink came over and Lucca and him had their fun. Apparently there was a spark because Mr Fink called the next day. A hookup would never under any cirmcumstance do that. He might send you an instant message, but that’s about it. Mr Fink had to travel to faraway Bulgaria for work. From there he must have called Lucca about half a dozen times. I can’t even imagine the cost of those phone calls, it would probably be more than if I called every relative that I had in Cuba and talked to them for about 10 minutes. But I digress. The phone conversations is the phase of the relationship that I like to call: getting to know you. This can take years in a normal relationship, but in the 24 hour everything is revealed as fast as possible.
As soon as Mr. Fink came back from the trip he was over our apartment. This is typical of a 24 hour relationship because it always tends to peak too soon. Lucca was already annoyed because he was very early. They decided to get some food and watch a movie. By the time they had returned from getting food I was convinced that Fink was deeply in love. They had a couple of small fights, but everything was working out fine. Instead of watching Passion of the Christ they decided to procreate a couple of sins of their owns. By the time that Lucca woke up the next morning he was already over Fink. Fink was a morning person, and annoying at that, and Lucca just wasn’t having it. At this point a regular relationship has a marriage counselor, a 24 hour relationship has sex as the mediator. But not even the power of sex can cure everything.
By the time that Lucca was at work the relationship was over. Lucca had broken up in his mind. Fink was more in love than ever. He was already envisioning their life together, and in the back of his mind was making arrangements for the ring ceremony. Lucca broke up over IM and Fink was heartbroken. He tried getting back together but it was useless, the 24 hours had expired, there was no chance. And so the perfect 24 hour relationship was born: part romance, part sex, part companionship, all efficient.
This led me to wonder, has our society become so fast-paced that we need 24 hour relationships to match our fastfood 24 hour culture?
Just when I thought this was the trend we were heading in, I remembered across town in a very far off place called Kendall, RafLo was busy perfecting the Never Ending Relationship. While at first it sounds sweet, it drips with sarcasm.
I equate the Never Ending Relationship with the Never Ending Story. The first movie was great, sweet and you wanted more. By the time the second and third movie came out, you wondered why they spent so much time and effort? Could they possibly make another film? But why? Yet they did. This is how the Never Ending Relationship rolls out: Raylo comes over every weekend. And then like clockwork the following happens:
- The ball and chain pisses RayLo off by going out on his own.
- RayLo swears he will break up with him and get his own place with a hypoallergenic dog breed.
- He spends the weekend with us living out his single fantasies
- Sunday he comes down, gets down, and goes home to have “the talk”.
- The talk turns into I’m sorry.
- RayLo and the ball and chain have I’m sorry sex.
This cycle repeats weekend after weekend, which gives Lucca and I dizzy spells. But you have to love it. RafLo does convince himself everytime that he will do it. But like I say, how many sequels can you make that makes The Never Ending Story interesting? You already know the white fluffly drago can fly and is super friendly. Yet RafLo keeps it going.
While these two sides of the extreme are definately at play, I decide to stay out. There was a time when I longed for a relationship but the truth of the matter is that I am very happy at where I am at right now. I’m successful professionally, my social life is blossoming, and my self-confidence is rising. I’ll play it out until the 24 hour relationship and the Never Ending Relationship cancel each other out. Till then I’ll be single and ready to mingle…..
February 25th, 2004
I realized that when I updated the Story of Me Section of my website, that I neglected to include my experience creating and running an adult amateur website. It was such a profound experience, that I could not believe that I had overlooked it. About two years ago Luis and I started up a business called Ruby Red Slipper, LLC. The name came about because when I came back from my second trip to San Francisco I brought Luis a ruby red slipper.
At that time Luis was working at iBill. IBill processes a large portion of the paid adult websites out there. Working there only for a short time Luis realized how easy it was to set things up. I designed the html layout of our site and Luis did his magic with the graphics. We put our resources together and purchased an inexpensive but good digital camcorder. We used my digital camera to take the pictures.
We looked for models on AOL and Gay.com mostly. It is amazing to me that we never actually spent any money on advertising. Just looking for models in the way we did, generated many leads! The ones that we liked we offered an interview with. At first we held the interviews at Starbucks on Lincoln Road, but towards the end I was having the interviews at my apartment in SoBe. Those interviews got pretty heavy
We would usually film at the Catalina Hotel in SoBe along Collins Avenue. It was such an amazing experience. I directed the action, which was always solo jerking off vids. I snapped directions and pictures with my digital camera, as Luis recorded the action with his camcorder. We made a great team and we had tons of fun doing it. I still remember our first model Dallas. After we finished filming him we had such an incredible high. I have never been able to recreate that high in my life, I hope to do so one day.
We filmed about eight models over the course of a year. We received a few subscriptions, but not enough to quit both of our day jobs. I think we lacked the experience and knowledge of marketing to really make it. I think our content was quite good for an amateur site. We decided to call it quits, but the experience will forever be in my thoughts. I learned so much from that experience, and it has helped me in every facet of life. I hope to one day start another site, but this time I would like professional help with the marketing.
In memory of our site, peepingcock.com, I placed the entire site on my website. You can check it out by following this link: peepingcock.com. The whole site is pretty much intact except for a couple of scripts here and there and the movie clips. They were way too large to have on this site. Let me know what you think of the guys that we took pictures of.
February 24th, 2004
Mario rented Party Monster and I decided to check it out. I’ve been wanting to see it since it was out in the theatres but I never got around to it, mostly because I was too lazy. I have to admit that when I first started seeing it I didn’t like it at all. Macaulay Culkin and Seth Green looked odd playing flamboyantly gay characters. Although the characters do grow on you. Especially that annoying signature laugh that Culkin has.
The movie had some wild parties and outfits. It was definately very interesting. My favorite was Marilyn Manson as Christina. He was great! It was so strange to see such an obscure movie have such an amazing cast. I knew I would eventually like the movie since anything with Chloe Sevigny is amazing. I’ve liked her since she did Kids. When I first saw that movie I thought it was a real documentary because the stars of the movie looked like kids. But Chloe was actually an adult in that movie. After watching Party Monster I had an urge to watch Kids again. I’ll have to put it on my que on netflix.
This weekend was fun. Rafael, Mario, and I met Racso at Twist in South Beach. When we got there I didn’t have my usual longings to move back. I think I am definately adjusting to Fort Lauderdale. It was a nightmare trying to find parking. Once we did find parking we had a nice time. I saw a very hot stripper that the MC called 15-incher. And he wasn’t a let down. He had a towel on and I had to tip him. Once I did he let me cop a feel and take a look. It was very big! We also made a new lesbian friend, her name is Angel and she lives somewhere in Fort Lauderdale. Mario hit it off with her right away. I was concentrating more on 15-incher.
After Twist we were supposed to head to the Miami Bathhouse but Mario didn’t want to go. He claimed he was tired. Once we dropped off Racso Mario agreed to go to the bathhouse in Oakland. I think Mario didn’t want to be naked around Racso. But of course he won’t admit that. We hit the batthouse around 3:00am but it was still pretty full. I was damn exhausted at this point. We didn’t stay too long. I had been driving my mom all morning from Hialeah to Fort Lauderdale and back again since I had taken her to the spa. So I was up since 8:00AM. Which is amazing for me!!
Sunday we were supposed to go to the beach but we never found parking. So much for that! We ended up eating at Georgi’s, which by the way had amazing ribs, I was pleasntly surprised. Then we had some coffee at java boys and Rafael was off back to Kendall to break up with Tommy. Which of course we knew would not really happen. And it didn’t. He made up and had sex. Next week he’ll try to break up again, go back home, and have sex again. The cycle always continues! But it wouldn’t be Rafael if he did it any other way.
February 23rd, 2004
I read many of my past entries trying to find the right one to post. I was going to post my sexual experiences with a close friend in San Francisco, but in the end I decided that should remain private. I decided to share the journal entry that recaps my coming out experience to my parents. It was a very touching point in my life and one which helped me become even more proud of who I am and proud of the parents that I have. Here is the entry dated June 12th 1996. It was my towards the end of my first year in college….
There were too many problems on my mind. I decided to tell her right there and then. I opened my eyes and realized that I was still at the mall. I didn’t want to be there. How could I possibly tell my mother I was gay. Where would I begin? I was 19 years old and my parents had no idea who I really was. I held back the tears so that I wouldn’t embarass my parents at the mall. After all we were shopping to buy a gift for dad for Father’s day.
My mom made her decisions for the gift and soon we were in the car. Half way home a song came on the radio that always makes me sad and emtional, If I Could Fly by Benny Mardonis. Tears began to flow from my eyes. I know my dad was tense because he was looking at me through the rear view mirror. I decided at that moment that I was going to tell them something so that I wouldn’t back out when we got home. I told both of my parents, “Mom, Dad when we get home I need to talk to both of you”. My parents got scared but my mom told dad to calm down. At that point I was more scared than ever.
We arrived at home. I dried my tears and kissed my grandmother. We proceeded to the computer room where my grandmother would not hear us. I was nervous, what would I say? My mom sat next to me and my dad sat on a chair. I mumbled some words but it was too low to hear. My mom asked me what I said. Instead of repeating I told them that I did not know where to begin. My mother asked me if she could help.
She asked if it had anything to do with my sexuality. There really is nothing to be kept from a mother. At that point I was telling them that I loved them more than anything in this world. I was so scared they were going to reject me as their son. I told them that I wanted to have this conversation since I was 12 years old. All this I accomplished while crying uncontrollably. I finally told them that I was homosexual. The word sounded so medical and sterlized coming from my lips. I will never forget my father’s gaze because after I said it he did not look directly into my eyes during the whole conversation.
I explained everything and they sat their listening. Mom asked my dad to give me a hug. When he he did he started crying and so did I. He told me through his tears that I was his only son and that he loved me no matter what. It felt as if all the weight that was keeping me down in life left through the tears that I had shed. When the conversation was over I was exhausted. My mom told me that I was the best son parents could ever have because I was honest and caring.
I know I am lucky because I have parents who can see through their own prejudices because I was their son. I thank my lucky stars every day that I have such understanding and intelligent parents. I am content in knowing that I told my parents how much I love them and that I came out. It felt so unbelieably good. I felt at that point in my life that I could accomplish anything. That I had no fears. I was unstoppable because I had unconditional love from my parents and the deepest truths had been revealed.
Now that I am 26 I cannot believe the incredible courage that I had at 19. Whenever I feel scared, or think that I cannot accomplish the things that I want to do in my life, I read this entry. It empowers me. It lets me know that I can do anything, and that usually the fear that holds you back from acting out is stronger than the consequences. I encourage everyone who hasn’t come out to your parents to do so. It might not be a happy ending, but at least you are true to yourself. There is no greater drug.