November 21st, 2006

Kelvis: Emotions 4

Kelvis: Pensive
Kelvis: Pensive

Kelvis: Serious
Kelvis: Serious

Kelvis: Sleepy
Kelvis: Sleepy

Kelvis: Suspicious
Kelvis: Suspicious

November 21st, 2006

Kelvis: Emotions 3

Kelvis: Drunk
Kelvis: Drunk

Kelvis: Decaf
Kelvis: Decaf

Kelvis: Paranoid
Kelvis: Paranoid

Kelvis: Shy
Kelvis: Shy

November 19th, 2006

Kelvis: Emotions 2

Kelvis: Sad
Kelvis: Sad

Kelvis: Blind
Kelvis: Blind

Kelvis: Caffenated
Kelvis: Caffenated

Kelvis: Confused
Kelvis: Confused

November 18th, 2006

Kelvis: Emotions

Kelvis: Laugh
Kelvis: Laugh

Kelvis: Content
Kelvis: Content

Kelvis: Surprised
Kelvis: Surprised

Kelvis: Angry
Kelvis: Angry

November 7th, 2006

Fall Back into Blah

Volver

Rafael and I went to go see Volver today by Pedro Almodovar. I think I’m slowly turning him into a fan of his work. The movie was no All About My Mother, but it was good! There are no drag queens with crack problems in this one. The movie starts a little slow but it definately picks up with some nice twists and turns. Penelope Cruz does a really good job on this one. It’s been a couple of weeks since I go to the Arclight in Hollywood. I love that theater. Sure it’s the most expensive one around but it’s nice and pretty! It has a restaurant inside and a gift shop. It’s my favorite theater followed by the Chinese Theatre followed by The Grove Pacific Cinemas.

Watching the movie was a nice distration. I have been staying at home way too much lately. I think this is why I’m getting that depression and cloudy outlook. That and the days are so short now. It’s horrible! It’s dark by 5:00PM. That always gets me depressed. It feels like I didn’t do anything with my day. So coupling the time change with the mood that I’ve been in lately isn’t a pretty thing.

To add insult to injury, I was watching TV the other day while eating lunch and one of my favorite gay movies came on, All Over The Guy with Richard Ruccolo. That man is so fucking hot. Anyways I digress. The movie, while very good, made me into an emotional wreck. It’s funny because it’s those types of movies that always keep me single waiting for the perfect guy. Cheesy as it is, I love that fucking movie. I relate so much to the other guy, he’s nerdy, awkward, and down to earth. And of course he lands the hottie with emotional problems. Story of my fucking like!

I’ve been really lonely lately. Which is rare because usually I’m ok with being single. It might be the winter season approaching and my instinct to nest. It’s like I have two personalities. My reptilian brain wants to be coupled already, but my rational brain says relax and take it easy. We’ll see where it goes!

Luckily I went to the gym right after and my mood was at a better place. I’ve been going regularly and on the days that I don’t go to the gym I take Lola for a hike. My goal is to loose a pant size or two by the time I go visit the folks in December. My ultimate goal is to be at my normal waist size of 33-34 by my birthday in May! I think I can do it. All I have to do now is regulate the eating and the food choices. We’ve been having a Chimichunga party here. Luis, Rafael, and I go through about three bags of that stuff a week.

We had a great time at the Halloween Festival in West Hollywood. My next entry will be all about that! I have some pictures of the Drag Races and Jim should be sending me pictures of the costumes!

All Over the Guy

October 15th, 2006

Coming off the Meds; Jumping on the Life Wagon

Me in DC circa 1995

It’s always rough coming off of Lexapro. I should know this is my third attempt. People always say you eventually go back to anti-depressants. I want to prove them wrong. I have been taking lexapro for about three years on and off. When I first got my medical cannabis card evaluation i was in heaven but since i’ve been off the medicine in Florida it was catastrophe. The heat doesn’t agree with me. My family and their problems don’t agree with me. It was hard! I came off lexapro again about a year ago in Los Angeles. I was living alone, work was falling apart, again not a very good time to come off the meds. Once the cloud clears it’s a very sobering experience.

I find myself ok now. It’s hard to describe. I don’t live alone anymore, I have Luis and Rafael to keep me company. I definately think Los Angeles is my home for a long, long time. I’m happy here. Yet I’m at the stage where it’s been about two months since I’ve gotten off the anti-depressants and all the optimism and happiness have been sucked away. I’m starting to hear that voice in the back of my head which questions everything in life. It doesn’t help that I’m not working. Some days I feel like I’m not contributing to society. Other days it feels like I really need this rest before I join the workforce again. Sometimes I wonder if doing this Real Estate stuff is worth it. There are days that I get very excited about it and there are other days when I’m asking myself who I am fooling?! I don’t know if bipolar disorder comes with being cuban, but everyone I know is like me. We get super excited about one thing and then eventually drop it.

My plan is to finish my real estate license. Loose about 30 pounds before I begin work in January, and begin work in January! I think if I can accomplish these goals it will definately help me with my self-motivation. Sometimes I feel like life is going on all around me and I’m just an observer. I always find an excuse. Here is a good example. I’ve been feeling that tinge of should I be dating someone now?! I feel kind of lonely and it would be nice to have a relationship. It’s been years since I actually have one of those. The last date I went on was right when I got to Los Angeles. And that was almost three years ago! I always punish myself for being too fat and I won’t let myself date until I loose weight. Is it worth it? What if I don’t loose the weight!? Then I am fucked! I have been going to the gym regularly though. I think that by the time my 30th birthday rolls around I’ll be motivated because I will have at least lost 30 pounds (fingers crossed).

We just finished watching an Argentinian gay movie called, A Year Without Love. I love spanish gay cinema. Most of the time the plot is not important. I love how the characters live. Usually the characters are not rich yet they live such rich and romantic lives. Something about that bohemian lifestyle really attracts me. Yet I can’t help feel that I don’t belong under that label. I feel I am too mainstream. But I love the idea of it though. That’s why I love independant movies so much. It shows such a different way of living, not just the American standard.

It’s funny. I thought once I moved to Los Angeles I would become a new person. You know new city, a chance to start over again. But it’s stil the same ole’ me. I guess that’s not that bad. I sit here in my balcony watching the twinkling lights of Los Angeles and hoping that the feeling comes back, the shiny new feeling. When I first moved here everything was amazing, new, and vibrantly colorful. Now it’s home. It’s expected. I guess that is why everyone eventually tries to get off of anti-depressants. While they don’t make you sad they definately drain away all emotions. I’m at the point that I’d rather have depression days if it means that I’ll be excited again like I used to be. I’m still that little kid that never sleeps the night before he goes to Disney. I used to wonder if that was a lack of maturity, but now I treasure it and I am waiting for it to come back :)

I’m defiantely going to make a commitment to go out more. I read somewhere that the best way to meet a lover is to go to as many places as possible. If someone invited you to a party, go. If someone invites you to a movie, go. You never know where you are going to meet someone! Wish me luck.

The pictures this time around do not fit the entry. The first picture is of me when I was around 17. We went on a school trip to Washington D.C. Crazy times! I was so young I was so skinny! It sometimes feels like a parallel life.

The last picture is of my grandmother. My cousin took it recently. One of the only downsides to living in California is that I don’t see my family enough. When I go visit it’s hell, but I do miss them so very much! My dream is for them to come live with me in Los Angeles. Crazy huh!

Grandma!

September 13th, 2006

Gay Erotic Expo 2006 (Michael Lucas Promo)


This was the best part of Gay Erotic Expo 2006 in LA

August 23rd, 2006

Jurassic Park River Ride (Universal Hollywood)

Jurassic River Ride

Here’s another funny picture of Luis and I. This time we are at the Jurassic River Ride @ Universal Studios Hollywood. We’re definately using up that annual pass like you would not believe. We’ve almost ridden everything. I think the last thing that we need to ride is the Mummy. Luis is scared shitless because it’s a psychological thrill-ride/rollercoaster. I think next time we go he’ll ride it. In the meantime enjoy the photo of us freaking out! Click on the picture to see it full-size.

August 21st, 2006

Quinceañera and other Great Movies

Luis and I went to go see Quinceañera Saturday night. It was awesome. I definately recommend it. The movie was so original and heart-warming that it made my cry. I usually don’t do that! So many emotions were running through my head when I saw this movie. I was appreciating Los Angeles, because the movie takes place there. I was missing my parents because of the latino family aspect. Lastly I want to have my own home to entertain friends. I have included a youTube embedded video file of some movies that you should definately check out!

Speaking of owning my own house, Luis and I want to start flipping houses for a profit. I am utilizing this time in between jobs to get my realtor’s license. I don’t know if I want to do it full-time, but I’d definately like to use the license when we buy homes to flip. Since we have no experience whatsoever in flipping houses, other than watching HGTV shows, we decided to purchase a home and improve it to flip it in a couple of years. It’s a very exciting prospect but since I don’t want to pay much more than I am for rent, we definately won’t be in WeHo! It’s a sacrifice but at least we’ll have our own home. We’ll have a yard for Lola, and we’ll also get tons of experience in home improvements!

I think one of the first few things that I want to do is put in a jacuzzi tub in my room :) I’ve always wanted that since the days in Ft. Lauderdale when I had a tub. it was amazing. Today Luis and I looked at a couple of properties in North Hollywood. The houses were huge, but the neighborhood was less than ideal. It was very latino suburban. It reminded me a lot of Hialeah. Of course it might look a lot better during the day. We’ll see tomorrow :)

We did see one house in Silverlake. It was so exciting because it was right in the gay area. However it was the scariest looking house in all the block. Such a shame too because it was walking distance to most of the gay establishments in Silverlake! Oh well, we’ll keep looking! After looking at the houses we went to the ArcLight to check out Little Miss Sunshine. It was such an adorable movie. It was about a family going to Los Angeles to compete in a beauty pageant for the little girl in the family. It was a nice comedy with a really good message. I’m so glad that I went to go see it! It’s amazing that we saw two good movies back-to-back. Sometime this week I should check out the ShadowBoxer. That’s the last of the independant movies that I want to check out this week. Hopefully it will be good!!

We’re off to Universal Studios again tomorrrow! More rides! Hopefully this time I won’t loose my wallet.

August 17th, 2006

Palm Springs TramWay (Scary As Shit)


Palm Springs Tram w/ Mario
Monthly Picture

"I have quite a collection of journals. It's not so much that I write a lot. I have this bad habit of starting a new journal when I start a new chapter in life. Either I have had many turning points in my life, or I just wanted an excuse to buy new journals!"


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