Grandfather passing away…

It’s been a while since I write in my journal. Lots of crazniess has been happening. My grandfather passed away Saturday September 18th. It’s still very surreal. While I wasn’t close to my grandfather, I did grow up with him in the house. It was my first wake and funeral. I tend to stay very far away from those. It was nothing of what I expected. When I saw him in the casket it seemed wrong. That wasn’t my grandfather. It didn’t look like him, yet it was. At least it was his body. The wake ran more like a family renunion than a wake.

There were so many people that I hadn’t seen in years. I usually tend to shy away from family events but this was good for me. I don’t know if it was the Lexapro that I was taking, but I was actually feeling calm. I’m usually anxious as can be. My grandmother and mother took it a lot better than I thought. At first they were very emotional but we had so many family and friends that it kept them busy. The most touching part of the night was when my grandmother said how lucky she was to have so many people care for her. Suddenly family made sense. I felt a part of my family, not like a stranger looking in, as I usually do.

It’s been a full week since my grandfather has passed away and I’m still in such a surreal state. I feel strange leaving for California in three months, but I have a feeling that if I stay in Southern Califonria for a long time that my parents will eventually come and live with me. While I dreaded that thought when I was younger, I now invite it.

It’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow and I am trying to do everything to make it special for her, especially when my grandpa passed away. I’m taking her to a day spa this weekend and I know she will love it! I wanted to update everyone on what’s been going on. I’ll be writing more this week.

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"I have quite a collection of journals. It's not so much that I write a lot. I have this bad habit of starting a new journal when I start a new chapter in life. Either I have had many turning points in my life, or I just wanted an excuse to buy new journals!"

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