Getting Back to Myself

Last night Roscoe, Rafael, Rodrigo, Mario and I all went out to Georgi’s and the Copa. Everytime I go out on a Saturday night and drink too much I always take the whole day Sunday to recover from binge drinking. It always leaves me a bit depressed. Which isn’t always that bad. Today for instance I thought a lot about the things that I value and how I’ve slowly gone away from that.

For instance the last entry when I said I was going to do steroids. I’ve never sold myself out before in the past by taking the quick and easy road. From my past experiences I know you pay more for it in the end. In the end I decided not to do steroids, and when I get to the body that I want, it will be that much more sweet because I did it all through hard work and commitment. And of course, there will be no nasty needles invovled! Which is always a good thing.

When I went out this weekend there are a lot of things that I noticed that I don’t like about some of my friends. They always act according to what people are going to think of them. I hate that type of thinking. It puts such walls around a person that you loose personality and just become another gay android. It’s really sad actually. Because those types of people are usually very very self-concious about themselves, yet they pretend like they are super cool when they are really dying inside to be themselves.

Because of that I will definately make a stronger commitment to be the person that I am. I think I’ve come a long way in my life and the more I live the more I know it’s a lot better to be yourself. It’s hard to do that when you are around people who not only don’t share your philosophy but actually believe in the complete opposite. It’s sad because so many people in South Florida suffer from this. You’ll see people driving the latest cars, wearing the latest clothes, and declaring bankruptcy all in one breath. I’d rather live within my means and enjoy life more, instead of being a slave to labels and society’s pressure.

Next entry I’ll talk about my first escort experience and how interesting it was :) I have to go finish up some school work now!

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"I have quite a collection of journals. It's not so much that I write a lot. I have this bad habit of starting a new journal when I start a new chapter in life. Either I have had many turning points in my life, or I just wanted an excuse to buy new journals!"

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