HIV and Getting Off

I debated long and hard whether I would put this entry in. In the end I decided not to keep any secrets. It’s my new zen way of life. We’ll see how long it lasts. Last night I had a very hot hookup. The thing is that at first he told me straight out that he was hiv+. Now I have to be honest, in the past when people told me this that would be the end of the conversation. But then I realized that I’ve had quite a bit of hookups in South Florida, and SoFla has a very high incident of hiv+ cases. Just because the people I hooked up with didn’t tell me their status, did not make them hiv-. So I decided to play around with him with the condition that we would play safe. I went over his place and he was hot. He was a bit older than me but had that Ramrod manly look about him, like he was going to tear me in half. He had lots of kissing, rubbing, and oral play. It was hot! There was one point where I almost slid off the bed, which wasn’t so hot as it was funny, but that’s another entry!

He wanted to fuck me so he was teasing his dick around my asshole. He popped it in and I told him that he wasn’t fucking me unless he put a condom on. We continued playing for a while and then he put on a condom and fucked me. The funny thing is my usual neurotic self would have been thinking about the hiv situation constatly, but thanks to lexapro I was actually alright and comfortable. We had a great night and a hell of a work out. I was sweating buckets by the time it was all over.

I have to admit one naughty, naughty thing though. He wanted me to cum in his ass. And I did. I know that has danger zone written all over it, but I was so caught up in the heat of the moment that I did it. I never thought that I would be one to be caught up in the heat of the moment. But I’m susceptilble to stupidity a lot of the time. After all was done I really didn’t have any regrets. I know I need to get an hiv test in a couple of months, and I”m sure I’ll be a nervous wreck then. But until then I’m alright now. I’m proud of myself for sharing this with you guys because ordinarily in the past when I wrote my online journal I would have kept these type of accidents to myself. There is a certain degree of liberation when you share yourself like this. I’m liking it.

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"I have quite a collection of journals. It's not so much that I write a lot. I have this bad habit of starting a new journal when I start a new chapter in life. Either I have had many turning points in my life, or I just wanted an excuse to buy new journals!"

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